TOW Neal and Tamara's Wedding
by Rumbelleforever
Summary: Neal and Tamara's wedding day doesn't go quite as planned. Total crack fic. Rated M for language. Contains the characters, Snow, Charming, Neal and Tamara, Belle and Mr Gold, Regina, Hook, Emma, Leroy and Blue fairy. Pairings include: Swanthief, Rumbelle, Hookedqueen, and Snowing. Based on the friends episode 'TOW Ross and Emily's Wedding.' Originally meant to be a oneshot may cont


**Hey guys so an idea hit me and I needed to write it down. I am a big fan of friends and ouat so decided to merge them. **

**I could suggest that you watch 'TOW Ross and Emily's wedding' first but it's really not important.**

**I wished I owned both shows, but I do not.**

**Some of the script is taken from the original episode of friends but towards the end it's purely me.**

**Crack! Enjoy!**

**TOW Neal and Tamara's wedding.**

Snow couldn't make it to the wedding. She was sat at home on the sofa rubbing her pregnant Belly. She decided to call Charming to see how it was going.

"Hey David, What are you doing now?"

"Well er, I'm walking down the Isle... still walking. I just saw Belle. Hey Belle!" He gives her a small wave, " I just told her Hey, and now I'm at the front with Neal." He held the phone up to Neal, "it's snow!" He slowly lowered the phone from Neal as he saw the annoyance written on his face, "He er, looks pretty mad. I'm gonna go."

"No! Wait, oh please hold it up so I can listen?"

Charming lifted the phone up in the direction of the altar and watched as he saw Regina and hook approach the aisle.

"What we did last night was..." Hook started.

"Stupid." Regina stated with a small nervous laugh.

"Yeah I mean absolutely, crazy stupid." He laughed along with her.

"What _were_ we thinking?"

"Aye... I'm coming over to your room tonight though, right?"

There was a pause, "Oh yeah, definitely!" Regina smirked and left his side to stand with the other guests.

The music suddenly picked up and then Tamara walked down the aisle, a wide smile on her face as she strolled along side her dad. Neal beamed at her as she kissed her father farewell and came to stand opposite him.

"Friends, family," Blue started, "we are gathered here today to celebrate the joyous union of Neal and Tamara. We hope to share their happiness always."

"Awwwww." Snow whispered through the phone.

"There's no escaping her is there?" Regina muttered under her breath.

"Now Tamara repeat after me. I Tamara."

"I Tamara."

"Take the Neal"

"Take the Neal."

"As my lawfully wedded husband, In sickness and in health until death parts us."

"As my lawfully wedded husband, In sickness and in health until death parts us."

Blue smiled and turned to face Neal, "Now Neal, repeat after me, I Neal."

"I Neal."

"Take the Tamara."

"Take the Emma."

An audible gasp swept across the room as both Neal and Tamara's face dropped in horror.

"Tamara. Haha,_ Tamara" _He let out a nervous laugh as sweat began to form on his forehead.

"Shall I go on?" Blue asked in her state of shock.

Emma sat in the audience absolutely dumbfounded, "He said Emma right?" She whispered to Ruby. "Do you think I should go up there?"

"Shhhh!" Ruby hushed as she looked back to the couple.

"Yes, do go on." Tamara said calmly.

"Okay, I think we better started again. Repeat after me, I Neal"

"I Neal."

"Take the T-A-M-A-R-A"

Regina let out a smirk as she watched Neal glare at Blue.

"Take the TAM-A-RA, huh like there would be anyone else." He squeaked adjusting his tie slightly.

"As my lawfully wedded wife, In sickness and in health until death parts us."

"As my lawfully wedded wife, In sickness and in health until death parts us. Really I do" he pointed at her, "_Tamara_."

Blue cleared her throat, "The rings?" Charming handed her the rings. "Now Tamara, place this ring on his finger as a symbol as your bond everlasting"

Tamara grabbed Neal's hand with force and shoved the ring onto his finger.

Regina couldn't look at hook for fear of falling onto the floor in hysterics.

"Now Neal, place this ring on his finger as a symbol of the love that will encircle you forever."

"With _Pleasure._" Neal mused, placing the ring onto her finger.

"Now it gives me great pleasure to declare them Husband and wife." Blue finished with a clap of her hands. "You may kiss the bride" She gestured towards the eerily calm Tamara.

"Yay!" Neal let out, as he leaned in only to find Tamara leaning back, so settled for a kiss of the cheek.

"This is worse than the time that I forgot to order you an iced tea with your burger." Gold whispered to Belle.

Neal lead down the aisle and reached for Tamara's hand, she snatched it away. "Just keep smiling Neal." She said through gritted teeth.

Neal nodded and carried on walking out of the hall.

"Well, that er, that went well, yes." Charming said as he hung up the phone to Snow.

"Aye it could have been worse, he could have stabbed her." Hook stated.

That was it for Regina, she let out a massive howl as tears ran down her cheeks. "HE SAID THE WRONG NAME, HOLY SHIT. I CANT!" She took in a deep breath, not caring that everyone was staring, and let out another melodic laugh. This time hook joined in.

"That's enough." Gold silenced them as the room fell into an awkward silence with the occasional mutter and eyes searching and landing upon Emma, who just sunk in her seat as the heat raised in her cheeks.

* * *

"That er, that was pretty funny, wasn't it?" He let out a high pitched giggle as he scratched his head.

Tamara just kneed him in the dick and ran off.

"I guess you didn't find it so amusing?" He squeaked as he fell to the ground in pain.

* * *

"No that's okay" Neal said as he was shoved out of the room in front of all the guests, "I'll wait out here."

"I hate you!" A loud scream came from the room.

"And I love you." Neal exclaimed as he turned to face the room.

"That was a bad time to say the wrong name, hey boy?" Gold approached him, as the rest of the guests busied themselves.

"So true, Thank you papa." He said sarcastically and rolled his eyes looking at Belle from who he received a small shrug and a forced smile. Neal looked around. "Hey guys, you should all be dancing, come on, this is a wedding!" He moved across the hall towards Charming. "Hey charming Dance!"

Charming started to bob along to the music bending his knees and nodding his head, swaying his hands every now and then until he realised everyone was watching him with smirks plastered over their face.

"STOP IT! I CAN'T BREATH!" Regina screeched from the other side of the hall before Hook lead her out.

"Well that was quite a show." Hook started the conversation a small smile edging its way to the corner of his mouth.

"It was." Regina calmed herself as she leaned against the wall, casually.

"I was just wondering about tonight, I want to, I do, but I'm afraid of what it will do to our friendship?"

"What friendship?"

"True."

" Alright Mr. SevenTimesInOneNight, If you want to call off fucking me tonight, That's your loss." She stood up straight and stared at him in the eyes.

Hook let out an unmanly whimper and shook his head. "I want to fuck you."

Regina smiled and grabbed his chin, "Then it is settled, We are fucking."

"You know, I saw an empty room down the hall?"

"I'll meet you there in ten minutes." Regina bit her lip and smacked his ass as he hurried down the corridor.

"Hey! Regina!" She span around to find Emma approaching her.

"What do you want Swan?" She glared at her.

"I gotta ask you something."

"Me? Now?"

Emma shrugged. "Neal said my name up there, I mean, it must've have meant something? I mean C'mon I cannot pretend that just didn't happen... can I?"

Regina nodded, "You know what I think, Ms Swan?"

"What?" Emma looked hopeful.

"That I _really_ don't give a fuck." With that she turned on her heels and moved down the hall to meet Hook.

Emma shook her head and walked back into the main room, "I'll just have to talk to Neal."

* * *

"Belle? Is it all my fault? Was I a bad father?"

"No sweetie, Of course not!" She caressed his cheek. "I'll tell you what. Let's go and relief some of that stress, shall we?" Belle asked taking his hand and leading him towards their room.

Rumpel and Belle burst through the doors lip locked and flicked on the switch, only to stop when they heard a noise.

"FUCK! YES HOOK!"

Belles eyes widened as she walked into their bedroom to find Regina on hook, head flown back in ecstasy.

"REGINA? HOOK?" Rumpel roared as he watched them both fall off of the bed, caught unaware.

Regina stood immediately, wiping away her smudged lipstick and adjusting the straps on her dress. "Hello Gold." She stated casually as she walked past the frozen-to-the-spot-with-shock couple, combing her fingers through her bed hair, picking up her heels as she left the room.

Hook was the next to jump up, but unlike Regina, just fled from the room after her.

A few moments past as Rumpel and Belle just stared at their bed trying to get their head around the scene that just unfolded.

"I think we should ask for clean bed sheets."

* * *

"Hey Neal." Emma had brought up the courage to approach him, "I'm sorry things aren't working out great."

"Oh no," He flapped his hand, "I mean things could be better but, it'll all be fine in the morning."

"I'm sure." Emma comforted. "I mean you only said my name 'cos you saw me there. It didn't mean anything."

Neal nodded.

"I mean, if you had seen a big fat hairy ogre there, you woulda' said 'take the big fat hairy ogre'" She chuckled nervously. "I mean, it didn't mean _anything..._ right?"

"No! Noooooooo! I could understand if Tamara thought it did, because, you know we have history. Yet, it meant nothing. It didn't- at all- mean anything, nope."

"Right." Emma scratched her head looking around when she saw Leroy approach them.

"The Chef says that the first course is ready so if you and Tamara would take your seats..."

"Oh yes. Because Tamara is_ totally_ ready to eat. Yes I'll just get her from our room, which I'm currently locked out of, so we can eat. I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE FUCKING STARTER!"

"Why? Did you want prawn cocktail?" Leroy smirked.

"You're funny." He snapped, turning back towards his suite.

"You know?" Emma piped up, "She's been in there a while," She let out another nervous laugh, "What if she's climbed out of the window or something?" She scratched her head wondering how he would take it.

Neal just stared at her before rushing to knock on the door, "TAMARA? TAMARA? I'm, I'm coming in!" Neal opened the door to reveal a wide opened window and the curtains swaying in the breeze.

"Hey look I was right!" Emma exclaimed to Leroy.

* * *

"You said the room was empty." Regina said with no emotion walking up the stairs to her room, Hook hot on her tail.

"I thought it was!" Hook pleaded with her.

Regina turned to face him when she got to her door. "I was so close."

"I'm sooooooo sorry." Hook tried again.

"You will be. Get your ass in there." She said opening the door to her room and following an already half un-dressed hook as he began tugging at his shirt.

* * *

Emma picked up the phone, "Hello mum?"

"Emma!"

"Hi. How are you? How's the kid?"

"It's good." She rubbed her stomach, "That's not why you called though is it, sweetie?"

"He said my name." Was all Emma could say.

"I know..."

"My name."

"Yes, I know" Snow said calmly, "But I don't think it meant anything."

"But we have history..."

"And he was engaged to Tamara."

"I hate that bitch."

Snow suppressed a giggle, "Just see how things go, things will soon start to unravel and become clear. I'm sure."

"Okay. Thanks mom. Don't eat the post-it notes again, I need them for work."

"I cannot control my cravings Emma." Snow snapped angrily before hanging up.

* * *

"Tamara?" Neal knocked on the doors upstairs.

"Tamara?" He knocked on the fourth door hearing a voice, and what sounded like a cry, only to be knocked over when hook came crashing out of the door in a flash- his clothes all a-squew and red lipstick smeared all over him.

Neal turned around, "Hook?"

"That was... AMAZING!"

Both men stared at the closed door. Both of their minds drifting.

* * *

Neal awoke as the door knocked. 8am.

"Tamara?" He sat up rubbing his head and opened the door. "Tamara?"

"Nope, it's me." Emma stated. "The cleaning carts outside and I thought we could take the free stuff. You know, like we used to?" She chuckled pointing to the cart.

"Gee, that's kind of you Emma, but I'm really not in the mood."

"Do you want some company?"

Neal opened the door wider to let her in and Emma made her way over to the love seat. Neal sitting down shortly after. They sat in a comfortable silence for a while until Neal spoke.

"I guess I just let my feelings for you get in the way."

"Your feelings for me?"

Neal's head shot up to look at her wide-eyed. "I- er I- er, well er..."

"You have feelings for me." Emma stated reaching up to cup his cheek.

"All the feelings from before came rushing back to me ever since I saw you again." He stated calmly.

"All the feelings from before came rushing back to when _I_ saw _you_ again." She replied.

"But I was engaged to Tamara and thought I could carry on." He paused, "I can't Emma, I guess saying your name was my way of realising my true feelings."

There was a moments silence as Emma moved her thumb across his cheek soothingly.

Neal leant forward and planted a small kiss on Emma's lips.

"NEAL?" Tamara screeched from the doorway.

"AH! FOR FUCKS SAKE TAMARA! NOW YOU SHOW UP!"


End file.
